In a flare-up?
Diarrhoea?
Up and down to the toilet constantly?
6, 7, 8, 9 times a day?
Stools look like redcurrant jam?
Runnier than that?
Just blood?
Lots and lots of blood?
Well this may not be much consolation, but count yourself lucky.
You could be a gerbil.
A gerbil with ulcerative colitis.
Gerbils don’t have flushing toilets.
They’ve got walk-in lavatories that are stuffed floor to ceiling with shredded paper.
Not Andrex, newspaper.
Once inside they defecate anywhere.
Now imagine if you had to tunnel your way into a small room filled with poo-soaked newspaper every time you needed to answer the call of nature.
Euch, indeed.
Let’s face it, after a couple of trips it’s not going to be pleasant.
After a few days you’ll be wishing your nose would drop off.
On the up side, with all that newspaper lying about there’s always something to read.
