A couple of years ago I was freelancing for a company in Spitalfields, East London. Befitting of the E1 postcode the offices were extremely funky. In the basement there was a kitchen area and three large, red leatherette, high-backed booths. A bit like an American diner.
One day a colleague and myself were having our lunch in one of the booths. We’re quietly eating when we become aware of a conversation in the booth behind ours. We can’t see them and they can’t see us.
A male voice speaks first, “So how was your weekend?”
“Not brilliant,” a female voice replies, “I was up at my parents.”
Mildly intriguing. Both my colleague and I stop chewing and instinctively lean back so we can hear better.
“Yeah, I’m still working through some issues with my dad,” continues the girl, “Stuff from my childhood.”
My eyes widen and my colleague pulls an ‘eek’ face. I flap my hands, meaning ‘shhh’, even though he hasn’t said anything.
“It’s only recently that I’ve been able to forgive him. And my mum, too, for letting it happen,” says the girl.
Letting what happen? Cripes, she must be one of Fred and Rose West’s kids. This is terrible. There’s a long silence.
Then the guy speaks, “Do you mind me asking…?”
“God no, it was all a long time ago,” she says.
I hold my breath. No way I’m missing this. I sit up as straight as I can, tilting my head so my ear is as close to the rim of the high-backed booth as possible. My colleague does the same. It looks like we’re hanging from invisible nooses.
The girl’s voice is now tinged with regret, “A friend from school’s parents were going away for the weekend and she had a party, but my dad wouldn’t let me go.” She let’s out a sad little sigh.
She wasn’t allowed to go to a party? No, no, no, that can’t be it? There must be more to the story than that? Maybe she missed out the bit about being handcuffed to a radiator from the age of four to seventeen? Or how she was forced to serve drinks topless to her dad and his mates? Puffing my cheeks out I slide back down the booth. My colleague rolls his eyes. I slowly close mine, shaking my head witheringly. We continue to eat in silence.
Now I know you shouldn’t eavesdrop, but what I always say is, if you don’t want your conversations to be overheard, use telepathy. That’s what it’s for.
I recount this story because I think there’s a good lesson to be learnt from it. And it’s about the importance of keeping things in perspective. Perhaps I’ve been too quick to judge this girl, but from what I heard it seems she has taken a fairly minor adolescent grievance and fleshed it out into a full blown ‘issue’ that apparently she is still dealing with many years later. A mountain may well have been made out of a molehill. I’ve been guilty of doing the same myself.
But one thing I’ve learnt from Guru Cohen, and my dabblings into the happy-clappy world of self-help, is to keep things in perspective. And I believe it has made a huge difference to my general wellness and state of mind over the last year.
To be frank, having a colostomy bag can sometimes be a real shitter; I have to empty it, change it, it sometimes leaks, I’ve got a yucky looking hole in my tummy, you get the picture. It would be quite easy to let it get me down. Which is why I make a real effort to keep things in perspective; it only takes a minute to empty my bag, I can practically change it in my sleep, it doesn’t leak very often, 99.999999% of the world doesn’t know I have a hole in my tummy. Whenever my stoma infringes on my life, I try not to roll my eyes or sigh or grumble or whinge or let my head go down, I just deal with it as quickly as I can and then move on and forget about it. Making a conscious effort not to dwell on the unavoidable little niggles of life with a bag and to pivot my thoughts to the positives means I’m in a much happier place.
And that is why no one will ever overhear me complaining about having to deal with ‘issues’ with my colostomy bag. I’ve got it in perspective.
Showing posts with label Guy Cohen. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Guy Cohen. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Happy feet
My legs are bending and clacking straight again like a builders tape measure. Bend, straighten, bend, straighten, bend, straighten. This is me dancing. Well, the lower half anyway. The upper half is doing its own thing entirely. My arms are bent at the elbow. I know this much. But past the elbow it’s anyone’s guess. Some sort of twirling might be occurring. It’s hard to say. Perhaps windmilling is a better description. So, to recap – legs: bend, straighten, bend, straighten, bend, straighten. Arms from the elbow down: twirl, windmill, twirl, windmill. Sounds about right. I’m fairly certain if I ever danced like this in a club a 24hr vet would be called out and I would be shot with a sedative dart. Fortunately I’m in the privacy of my spare room. Blinds closed. As are my eyes. Clinging for dear life to my wildly bucking head is a pair of headphones, through which blasts Eye of the Tiger by Survivor. Perhaps better known as the theme song from Rocky. 3 minutes 53 seconds of pure testosterone-pumped cheddar. And I’m doing the full Travolta to it in my back bedroom. Legs: bend, straighten, bend, straighten, bend, straighten. Arms from the elbow down: twirl, windmill, twirl, windmill. Oh, for pity’s sake what now. Cripes. I’m triumphantly punching the air with a clenched fist, which is odd because a 37-year-old man rocking out to Survivor on his own isn’t anything to feel particularly triumphant about. I’m too English for this. I do feel ever so silly. But I’m possessed by the steady rhythmic beat of the drums, which sound like the pounding feet of Hannibal’s war elephants on the march. As I pirouette out of a deft little Northern Soul spin I remember Guru Cohen’s words, “Really go for it and dance and celebrate being well again, feel the joy and happiness just like you’re completely better, really get into it and feel those emotions, be grateful for being healthy.” So as my legs bend and straighten and my arms twirl and windmill and punch the air I focus my mind on what it would feel like to be well. I summon up the spirit of Rocky and imagine myself as victor. I try to visualise myself totally fit and free of ulcerative colitis. I try to feel it as if it were true. It’s a huge mental effort, but I start to smile, and for a fleeting moment I do feel something, and it feels good.
Every day after I’ve finish my hypnotherapy session I put my headphones on and dance to Eye of the Tiger. I no longer feel such a berk and I quite enjoy it now. I’m not sure if it’s having any effect on my UC, but my dancing is coming on in leaps and bounds, and I’ve been called back for a second audition for Grease: The Musical.
Every day after I’ve finish my hypnotherapy session I put my headphones on and dance to Eye of the Tiger. I no longer feel such a berk and I quite enjoy it now. I’m not sure if it’s having any effect on my UC, but my dancing is coming on in leaps and bounds, and I’ve been called back for a second audition for Grease: The Musical.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Back to the future II
I’m still drawn to this time machine idea.
Having lived with ulcerative colitis for a few years now, I’ve got a pretty good understanding of how it impacts on my life.
I suppose it’s called experience.
But just because I have all this ‘experience’ it doesn’t mean I think I know all the answers.
I really, really don’t.
Although there is some stuff I know now that I wish I’d known when I was first diagnosed.
And I suppose that’s called hindsight.
For example, it would have been good to know about Guy Cohen and some of his ideas 4 years ago.
There are lots of things that I would like to have known earlier.
But they were either not available to me or I wasn’t looking hard enough for them.
And I didn’t turn up in a time machine with a handy little UC guidebook from the future either.
So, I’m not sure where I’m going with this.
I’m just really intrigued with the idea, that if I could go back to 2005 what would I say to myself?
Or if I could give myself a notebook full of advice, what would be written on those pages?
Having lived with ulcerative colitis for a few years now, I’ve got a pretty good understanding of how it impacts on my life.
I suppose it’s called experience.
But just because I have all this ‘experience’ it doesn’t mean I think I know all the answers.
I really, really don’t.
Although there is some stuff I know now that I wish I’d known when I was first diagnosed.
And I suppose that’s called hindsight.
For example, it would have been good to know about Guy Cohen and some of his ideas 4 years ago.
There are lots of things that I would like to have known earlier.
But they were either not available to me or I wasn’t looking hard enough for them.
And I didn’t turn up in a time machine with a handy little UC guidebook from the future either.
So, I’m not sure where I’m going with this.
I’m just really intrigued with the idea, that if I could go back to 2005 what would I say to myself?
Or if I could give myself a notebook full of advice, what would be written on those pages?
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Bloody Redgrave. Again
Sir Steve Redgrave may be a pretty useful oarsman, but he wouldn’t be much cop as a UC blogger.
In his book Inspired: Stories of Sporting Greatness he dedicates just 5 pages to his ulcerative colitis. But maybe he’s right to downplay his illness? Some of his success may be down to not giving his illness a bigger role than it deserves.
In one of the few passages in which he actually talks about UC he says this.
It also makes me wonder if blogging about ulcerative colitis, and therefore dedicating a sizeable chunk of my time to thinking about it, may actually be detrimental to my health?
Maybe it’s time I gave my UC a smaller role?
In his book Inspired: Stories of Sporting Greatness he dedicates just 5 pages to his ulcerative colitis. But maybe he’s right to downplay his illness? Some of his success may be down to not giving his illness a bigger role than it deserves.
In one of the few passages in which he actually talks about UC he says this.
It’s very interesting that he credits willpower. This ties in with everything Guy Cohen believes.
Both before and after the Olympics the colitis was hard to manage and sometimes excruciating, but for a ten-week window which culminated in Barcelona I was fine. That’s why I say it was only partly the medication that helped me to my third gold and Matt to his first. The other part was something I never fully understood, something along the lines of willpower. I don’t know whether stories of women finding the superhuman strength to lift ton-weight of cars to rescue their children are purely mythical. All I know is that I’m more prepared to believe them after the Barcelona Olympics.
It also makes me wonder if blogging about ulcerative colitis, and therefore dedicating a sizeable chunk of my time to thinking about it, may actually be detrimental to my health?
Maybe it’s time I gave my UC a smaller role?
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Bedtime reading
Foyles sits on the edge of Soho like a bookend. Established in 1903 it is the Harrods of bookshops. In its heyday Christina Foyle held literary lunches on the premises, attended by famous writers of the time. If ever the Oxford English Dictionary were stuck for a definition of ‘intimidating’ then ‘Foyles literary lunch’ would sum it up well for me.
Recently I did something in Foyles I’ve never done before. I went downstairs to the basement floor in search of the self-help section. It’s ironic that you have to go down to find the books that will make you feel up. What immediately struck me about the self-help section is its size. The shelves are floor to ceiling with books written by gurus of every description; businessmen, entrepreneurs, doctors, hypnotists, healers, religious leaders, celebrities, sportspeople, professors, scientists, philosophers, weathergirls (probably); the selection is mind-boggling. In fact someone should write a self-help guide to self-help guides. It would probably sell.
There clearly is money to be made in the self-help business. I’ve read a few articles recently suggesting the current popularity of the genre is largely down to the credit crunch and modern life being a bit stressy and shit. There’s probably some truth in that. A couple of journalists even go as far as to actually blame the banking collapse on self-help books themselves, which they claim are responsible for psyching up city traders and making them feel invincible. At this point it all gets a bit chicken and egg and I need to lie down.
Whilst flicking idly through various books, with bombastic titles such as Want it, See it, Get it! I surreptitiously took a peek at my fellow browsers. They didn’t look desperate, unstable, depressed or haunted, like they were about to throw themselves under a tube train. Nor did they particularly look like pumped up little Gordon Gekkos. They actually appeared an incredibly normal bunch. Although I did note we were all men. Perhaps women solve their problems by talking about them, whereas men prefer to furtively underline key phrases and scribble notes in the margins of self-help books?
There’s a lot of scepticism about the self-help industry. And when you read some of the titles, like Happier Than God and Awaken The Giant Within it’s easy to see why. The style of some of the writing doesn’t help either. A couple of books I picked up read like nothing more than extended penis enlargement ads. But I decided to hold back on my cynicism. After all you don’t dismiss John Steinbeck because he happens to be on the same shelf as Danielle Steel, do you? Like any genre, there must be good self-help books and bad ones. It may be a case of not judging a book by its cover. Or even its chest-beating, testosterone-enhanced title.
On the recommendation of Guy Cohen I bought Paul McKenna’s Control Stress book. I like it, a lot of it makes sense to me and it dovetails nicely with Guy’s therapies. If you feel stress may be an issue for you I think it would be £10.99 well spent. Since my trip to Foyles I’ve started to amass a small library of self-help books and related newspaper articles. (I’ve found quite a few books in charity shops, which perhaps isn’t a good sign.) Some of the stuff I’ve read seems a little fanciful, but on the whole I find them really useful to dip into for a nugget of wisdom or a piece of fresh thinking. A few pages a day seems to help keep me focused and heading in the right direction. For me, self-help books can be a great resource if you open them with an open mind.
Recently I did something in Foyles I’ve never done before. I went downstairs to the basement floor in search of the self-help section. It’s ironic that you have to go down to find the books that will make you feel up. What immediately struck me about the self-help section is its size. The shelves are floor to ceiling with books written by gurus of every description; businessmen, entrepreneurs, doctors, hypnotists, healers, religious leaders, celebrities, sportspeople, professors, scientists, philosophers, weathergirls (probably); the selection is mind-boggling. In fact someone should write a self-help guide to self-help guides. It would probably sell.
There clearly is money to be made in the self-help business. I’ve read a few articles recently suggesting the current popularity of the genre is largely down to the credit crunch and modern life being a bit stressy and shit. There’s probably some truth in that. A couple of journalists even go as far as to actually blame the banking collapse on self-help books themselves, which they claim are responsible for psyching up city traders and making them feel invincible. At this point it all gets a bit chicken and egg and I need to lie down.
Whilst flicking idly through various books, with bombastic titles such as Want it, See it, Get it! I surreptitiously took a peek at my fellow browsers. They didn’t look desperate, unstable, depressed or haunted, like they were about to throw themselves under a tube train. Nor did they particularly look like pumped up little Gordon Gekkos. They actually appeared an incredibly normal bunch. Although I did note we were all men. Perhaps women solve their problems by talking about them, whereas men prefer to furtively underline key phrases and scribble notes in the margins of self-help books?
There’s a lot of scepticism about the self-help industry. And when you read some of the titles, like Happier Than God and Awaken The Giant Within it’s easy to see why. The style of some of the writing doesn’t help either. A couple of books I picked up read like nothing more than extended penis enlargement ads. But I decided to hold back on my cynicism. After all you don’t dismiss John Steinbeck because he happens to be on the same shelf as Danielle Steel, do you? Like any genre, there must be good self-help books and bad ones. It may be a case of not judging a book by its cover. Or even its chest-beating, testosterone-enhanced title.
On the recommendation of Guy Cohen I bought Paul McKenna’s Control Stress book. I like it, a lot of it makes sense to me and it dovetails nicely with Guy’s therapies. If you feel stress may be an issue for you I think it would be £10.99 well spent. Since my trip to Foyles I’ve started to amass a small library of self-help books and related newspaper articles. (I’ve found quite a few books in charity shops, which perhaps isn’t a good sign.) Some of the stuff I’ve read seems a little fanciful, but on the whole I find them really useful to dip into for a nugget of wisdom or a piece of fresh thinking. A few pages a day seems to help keep me focused and heading in the right direction. For me, self-help books can be a great resource if you open them with an open mind.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Monthly blood diary
A month ago I started to keep a record of blood in my daily back passage movement. This is not the same as the output from my stoma into my colostomy bag. There’s never any blood in that. This is purely the stuff that comes out my rectum, and quite often has some blood in it.
The idea of keeping the blood diary is to see if the relaxation therapies I’m doing are having a noticeable effect on my UC. As you'll see below it all started very promisingly, but lately it’s become more hit and miss. The ‘no blood’ days are winning, but only just.
It’s worth clarifying, that when I say there is blood, it’s often extremely light. Just enough to turn the toilet paper pinkish. But I’m being very strict, there is either blood or there isn’t. Simple as that.
Unfortunately I don’t have any record of how often I had blood before I started the therapies. I think it was heavier and more frequent than now. The only way to see if things are improving is to keep up the blood diary and see how it looks in a month. Hopefully by 7th November there will be fewer blood days.
As I’ve mentioned in my weekly WDOATs, I definitely believe the relaxation therapies are having a positive effect on how I feel. And considering I worked 29 days out of the last 31 and a couple of weeks ago my girlfriend moved to Germany to start a new job, I think I’m remarkably chipper. I’m not sure that would be the case without the help of the therapies.
Speaking of which, you’ll also note that about half way through the month I thought it might be worthwhile keeping track of which ones I’ve been doing. There are four: Guy Cohen’s relaxation session, Guy’s Rewind Technique, Geoffrey Glassborow’s relaxation session and Paul McKenna’s Control Stress session.
Until we have something to compare this month’s blood diary to it doesn’t really tell us much. But if we were to look on the positive side of things – and that’s kind of how I like to think these days – there have been more ‘no blood’ days than ‘blood’ days. Which is a very good thing.
7.9.09 No blood
8.9.09 No blood
9.9.09 No blood
10.9.09 Blood
11.9.09 No blood
12.9.09 No blood
13.9.09 No blood
14.9.09 No blood
15.9.09 Blood
16.9.09 Blood
17.9.09 Blood
18.9.09 Blood
19.9.09 No blood
20.9.09 No blood
21.9.09 No blood
22.9.09 Blood McKenna/Geoffrey/Rewind
23.9.09 Blood McKenna
24.9.09 Blood McKenna
25.9.09 No blood Geoffrey/McKenna/Rewind
26.9.09 No blood Guy
27.9.09 Blood McKenna/Rewind/Geoffrey
28.9.09 No blood McKenna/Rewind/Guy
29.9.09 Blood McKenna/Rewind/Geoffrey
30.9.09 Blood McKenna/McKenna/Rewind/Guy
1.10.09 No blood McKenna
2.10.09 No blood McKenna
3.10.09 Blood McKenna/Geoffrey/Rewind
4.10.09 Blood McKenna/Guy
5.10.09 Blood McKenna
6.10.09 No blood McKenna/Rewind
7.10.09 Blood McKenna/Rewind/Geoffrey/Guy
The idea of keeping the blood diary is to see if the relaxation therapies I’m doing are having a noticeable effect on my UC. As you'll see below it all started very promisingly, but lately it’s become more hit and miss. The ‘no blood’ days are winning, but only just.
It’s worth clarifying, that when I say there is blood, it’s often extremely light. Just enough to turn the toilet paper pinkish. But I’m being very strict, there is either blood or there isn’t. Simple as that.
Unfortunately I don’t have any record of how often I had blood before I started the therapies. I think it was heavier and more frequent than now. The only way to see if things are improving is to keep up the blood diary and see how it looks in a month. Hopefully by 7th November there will be fewer blood days.
As I’ve mentioned in my weekly WDOATs, I definitely believe the relaxation therapies are having a positive effect on how I feel. And considering I worked 29 days out of the last 31 and a couple of weeks ago my girlfriend moved to Germany to start a new job, I think I’m remarkably chipper. I’m not sure that would be the case without the help of the therapies.
Speaking of which, you’ll also note that about half way through the month I thought it might be worthwhile keeping track of which ones I’ve been doing. There are four: Guy Cohen’s relaxation session, Guy’s Rewind Technique, Geoffrey Glassborow’s relaxation session and Paul McKenna’s Control Stress session.
Until we have something to compare this month’s blood diary to it doesn’t really tell us much. But if we were to look on the positive side of things – and that’s kind of how I like to think these days – there have been more ‘no blood’ days than ‘blood’ days. Which is a very good thing.
7.9.09 No blood
8.9.09 No blood
9.9.09 No blood
10.9.09 Blood
11.9.09 No blood
12.9.09 No blood
13.9.09 No blood
14.9.09 No blood
15.9.09 Blood
16.9.09 Blood
17.9.09 Blood
18.9.09 Blood
19.9.09 No blood
20.9.09 No blood
21.9.09 No blood
22.9.09 Blood McKenna/Geoffrey/Rewind
23.9.09 Blood McKenna
24.9.09 Blood McKenna
25.9.09 No blood Geoffrey/McKenna/Rewind
26.9.09 No blood Guy
27.9.09 Blood McKenna/Rewind/Geoffrey
28.9.09 No blood McKenna/Rewind/Guy
29.9.09 Blood McKenna/Rewind/Geoffrey
30.9.09 Blood McKenna/McKenna/Rewind/Guy
1.10.09 No blood McKenna
2.10.09 No blood McKenna
3.10.09 Blood McKenna/Geoffrey/Rewind
4.10.09 Blood McKenna/Guy
5.10.09 Blood McKenna
6.10.09 No blood McKenna/Rewind
7.10.09 Blood McKenna/Rewind/Geoffrey/Guy
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Wednesday's diary on a Thursday 7.7
These WDOAT's sure are coming round fast. Did you know there are only 13 left until Christmas? You’ll see below I really upped the ante with therapies this week, so I’m feeling pretty damn confident. I'm so pumped up I may just invade a small country or at the very least enter The Krypton Factor.
Wednesday 30th September:
7am Change bag
7.45am Empty bag
9.20am Empty bag
11am Change bag
1.45pm Empty bag
6.30pm Empty bag
10.30pm Empty bag
Medication:
Breakfast 6 x mesalazine 400mg
Dinner 4 x azathioprine 50mg
Bedtime 6 x mesalazine 400mg
Therapies:
Paul McKenna Control Stress relaxation therapy x 2, Rewind, Guy Cohen relaxation therapy
Noticeable improvements:
Small amount of blood again. Still feeling good though.
Mood:
All-conquering. Watch out Andorra.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Wednesday's diary on a Thursday 7.6
On time and with two and half hours to spare, it's...WDOAT!
*Paul McKenna has a book and CD called Control Stress, which seems to dovetail quite nicely with Guy Cohen's stuff.
Wednesday 23rd September:
4.40am Change bag
7am Change bag
9am Empty bag
2.30pm Change bag
10.45pm Empty bag
Medication:
Breakfast 6 x mesalazine 400mg
Dinner 4 x azathioprine 50mg
Bedtime 6 x mesalazine 400mg
Therapies:
Paul McKenna Control Stress relaxation therapy*
Noticeable improvements:
A very small amount of blood again. But on the whole I feel great, ticking along quite happily. Don't seem as tired perhaps as I used to.
Mood:
Positive, more relaxed, more confident.
*Paul McKenna has a book and CD called Control Stress, which seems to dovetail quite nicely with Guy Cohen's stuff.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
This is one of those posts I sometimes write where I leave big spaces between the lines in a feeble attempt to add meaningfulness and gravitas
The ‘Guy Cohen answers me pretending to be Paxman’ post seems to have stirred up a hornet’s nest, albeit a Lillipution one.
As the mysterious and Bond-esque sounding ‘G’ quite rightly points out, never in the long and illustrious history of Number Twos has a post provoked so many comments.
Finally after 294 posts I’ve discovered the secret to successful blogging.
Just get someone other than me to do most of the writing.
If only I had known earlier.
But back to Guygate.
Ever since the incident where I threw a Jammy Dodger at legendary Beatles producer Sir George Martin, I’ve made it my strict policy to steer clear of controversy.
(And too much champagne.)
So I don’t wish to fan the iddy-biddy flames of debate any further.
My aim here is not to antagonise or insult.
As Ray Davies sang, I’m a lover, not a fighter.
(Unless I’ve had too much champagne and I find myself within range of the ‘Fifth Beatle’ with a shortbread-and-jam based biscuit in my hand, in which case I’m terrifying.)
But I would just like to clarify – and I think we’re all grown up enough to appreciate this – Number Twos has always been about my experiences with ulcerative colitis.
Good and bad, funny and sad, everything on here is written from one point of view alone, and that is mine.
It’s not my place to recommend this drug or that therapy, I just write about my life with UC.
I understand that’s a very simplistic viewpoint, and I am aware there is a certain responsibility that comes with writing about a subject like this on the internet.
And from the beginning I’ve always taken care to be totally honest and not to mislead.
The Guy Cohen thing is no different to the time I wrote about trying Chinese tea.
(Incidentally the Chinese herbal doctors claimed they could cure my UC and unlike Guy, they did charge me a hefty sum for it – how come they don’t get any stick?)
I am trying Guy’s therapies and I will be writing about it.
And as far as my progress goes, rest assured you can expect the same in-depth, behind-the-scenes, impartial investigative reporting that brought you such journalistic gems as On your marks, get set, poo!
It’s the very least I can do.
Now, before I get any more sanctimonious, for those of you who prefer Number Twos a little lighter in tone, below is a book on toilet paper origami.
It’s ten quid on Amazon!
Linda Wright, the author, should be hanged for peddling this kind rubbish to vulnerable people who spend way too much time on the loo.
It’s disgusting.
As the mysterious and Bond-esque sounding ‘G’ quite rightly points out, never in the long and illustrious history of Number Twos has a post provoked so many comments.
Finally after 294 posts I’ve discovered the secret to successful blogging.
Just get someone other than me to do most of the writing.
If only I had known earlier.
But back to Guygate.
Ever since the incident where I threw a Jammy Dodger at legendary Beatles producer Sir George Martin, I’ve made it my strict policy to steer clear of controversy.
(And too much champagne.)
So I don’t wish to fan the iddy-biddy flames of debate any further.
My aim here is not to antagonise or insult.
As Ray Davies sang, I’m a lover, not a fighter.
(Unless I’ve had too much champagne and I find myself within range of the ‘Fifth Beatle’ with a shortbread-and-jam based biscuit in my hand, in which case I’m terrifying.)
But I would just like to clarify – and I think we’re all grown up enough to appreciate this – Number Twos has always been about my experiences with ulcerative colitis.
Good and bad, funny and sad, everything on here is written from one point of view alone, and that is mine.
It’s not my place to recommend this drug or that therapy, I just write about my life with UC.
I understand that’s a very simplistic viewpoint, and I am aware there is a certain responsibility that comes with writing about a subject like this on the internet.
And from the beginning I’ve always taken care to be totally honest and not to mislead.
The Guy Cohen thing is no different to the time I wrote about trying Chinese tea.
(Incidentally the Chinese herbal doctors claimed they could cure my UC and unlike Guy, they did charge me a hefty sum for it – how come they don’t get any stick?)
I am trying Guy’s therapies and I will be writing about it.
And as far as my progress goes, rest assured you can expect the same in-depth, behind-the-scenes, impartial investigative reporting that brought you such journalistic gems as On your marks, get set, poo!
It’s the very least I can do.
Now, before I get any more sanctimonious, for those of you who prefer Number Twos a little lighter in tone, below is a book on toilet paper origami.
It’s ten quid on Amazon!
Linda Wright, the author, should be hanged for peddling this kind rubbish to vulnerable people who spend way too much time on the loo.
It’s disgusting.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Guy Cohen answers me pretending to be Paxman
Obviously I’m a massive Guy Cohen fan now, but is it fair to say my initial “aggressively cynical” attitude is one often shared by the medical profession and even some Crohn’s & Colitis support groups?
Yes, the aggressively cynical attitude is commonplace, particularly with the old school medical profession. I didn’t bother with the support groups because I didn’t want to hang around with a bunch of ill people who felt a camaraderie in their illness. I wanted to be well. Years after I was well, remember from the book, I called the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation of America (CCFA) only to discover they’re only interested in treatment that involves drugs. Furthermore, my cousin in New York asked if I’d like to come to charity dinner and maybe say a few words. When I said I’d talk about how I’d got well, he basically said don’t come, they’re not going to want to hear that as it was a medical sponsored dinner event!
As you know I’ve been having some teething problems with the Rewind Technique (more of which I’ll write about later) – do you believe that literally anyone can succeed in curing their UC with your methods?
Yes, I do believe that everyone I’ve met so far could be cured if they follow what I and others have done. IE provided they really want it and are prepared to do what it takes. Fortunately with the Rewind Technique it’s not nearly as much effort as what I had to devote to it. But the sad thing is that there really aren’t that many sufferers out there who REALLY want to get well. They don’t want to put in the effort, or they make excuses like “I don’t want someone messing with my mind”, etc.
Ok, there’s the odd person who may have an allergy or intolerance but that’s a tiny minority. Like I say, I’ve never met anyone who has colitis/crohn’s/ibs who hasn’t had those negative thought patterns looping around continuously. From there it’s a question of honesty and then desire to get the job done and keep it going.
Before you contacted me I'd always been led to believe I’d have UC for life and I’d just have to learn to live with it. You’re the ONLY person who has ever told me I can beat it. That in itself is incredibly powerful. Do you think doctors are doing us a major disservice by not suggesting we might explore alternative therapies such as yours?
Yes, the medical community is doing a massive disservice by (a) not investigating and interviewing people like me – I'm totally willing to co-operate and help duplicate what I did in any way they suggest; (b) not suggesting people to at least explore relaxation techniques and hypno. I'm not the only one out there who’s conquered the problem and my goal is to make it commonplace.
But the truth is the medical profession, particularly in the US, is in the grip of the drugs companies. Let’s face it, if a charitable foundation like the CCFA are pretty much controlled by big pharma, what choice are people really being given?
But here’s the good news. Thanks to technology and the internet people like me can start to make a difference and give folks out there something to think about and try with zero risk. They can continue with their treatment and still try my methods. What I really need to do is find someone famous who has colitis (like Anastacia for example) and treat her successfully. That would be huge ...
Yes, the aggressively cynical attitude is commonplace, particularly with the old school medical profession. I didn’t bother with the support groups because I didn’t want to hang around with a bunch of ill people who felt a camaraderie in their illness. I wanted to be well. Years after I was well, remember from the book, I called the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation of America (CCFA) only to discover they’re only interested in treatment that involves drugs. Furthermore, my cousin in New York asked if I’d like to come to charity dinner and maybe say a few words. When I said I’d talk about how I’d got well, he basically said don’t come, they’re not going to want to hear that as it was a medical sponsored dinner event!
As you know I’ve been having some teething problems with the Rewind Technique (more of which I’ll write about later) – do you believe that literally anyone can succeed in curing their UC with your methods?
Yes, I do believe that everyone I’ve met so far could be cured if they follow what I and others have done. IE provided they really want it and are prepared to do what it takes. Fortunately with the Rewind Technique it’s not nearly as much effort as what I had to devote to it. But the sad thing is that there really aren’t that many sufferers out there who REALLY want to get well. They don’t want to put in the effort, or they make excuses like “I don’t want someone messing with my mind”, etc.
Ok, there’s the odd person who may have an allergy or intolerance but that’s a tiny minority. Like I say, I’ve never met anyone who has colitis/crohn’s/ibs who hasn’t had those negative thought patterns looping around continuously. From there it’s a question of honesty and then desire to get the job done and keep it going.
Before you contacted me I'd always been led to believe I’d have UC for life and I’d just have to learn to live with it. You’re the ONLY person who has ever told me I can beat it. That in itself is incredibly powerful. Do you think doctors are doing us a major disservice by not suggesting we might explore alternative therapies such as yours?
Yes, the medical community is doing a massive disservice by (a) not investigating and interviewing people like me – I'm totally willing to co-operate and help duplicate what I did in any way they suggest; (b) not suggesting people to at least explore relaxation techniques and hypno. I'm not the only one out there who’s conquered the problem and my goal is to make it commonplace.
But the truth is the medical profession, particularly in the US, is in the grip of the drugs companies. Let’s face it, if a charitable foundation like the CCFA are pretty much controlled by big pharma, what choice are people really being given?
But here’s the good news. Thanks to technology and the internet people like me can start to make a difference and give folks out there something to think about and try with zero risk. They can continue with their treatment and still try my methods. What I really need to do is find someone famous who has colitis (like Anastacia for example) and treat her successfully. That would be huge ...
Wednesday's diary on a Thursday 7.4
A very promising week and a little blip. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday there was no blood in my daily bowel movements, which can only be a good thing. And then today there was blood. It’s annoying and a bit disappointing, but I’m going to take encouragement from the three days without blood and keep on with the therapies. Talking of which, yesterday I stayed over at my girlfriend’s and stupidly forgot to take a copy of Guy’s recordings with me, so I missed a day. Could that be why the blood returned today? Hmmm.
Wednesday 9th September:
6.50am Change bag
2pm Empty bag
5.30pm Empty bag
Medication:
Breakfast 6 x mesalazine 400mg
Dinner 4 x azathioprine 50mg
Bedtime 6 x mesalazine 400mg
Therapies:
Missed a day. (Naughty.)
Noticeable improvements:
Three days in a row without blood in my daily bowel movements. Emptied/changed my bag a lot less???
Mood:
Pretty good. Generally more upbeat.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Guy Cohen answers Rich Mercy Seat
Rich of The Mercy Seat fame had a whole load of questions for Guy, which he is happy to share with us. I think you’ll find Guy’s answers interesting, entertaining, enlightening and, well, really quite blunt. But that’s the key with Guy’s therapies – you have to be totally honest with yourself. Not always that easy. Maybe you’ll recognise a bit of yourself in Rich? If so, don’t worry, you can’t possibly be more cynical than I was. According to Guy I was ‘aggressively cynical.’ Harrumph. Anyway, many thanks to Rich for his questions and also thanks to Guy for the character assassination, sorry, advice. I meant ADVICE.
If I consider myself to be relatively positive in a general sense, will the hypnotherapy still be beneficial to my UC?
Hi Rich...being serious(!) how can you say you’re “relatively positive in a general sense” at the same time as saying in the same email: “Will my naturally cynical nature limit the effects of the therapy?” and “I am a jaded, world-weary, world-wary old bugger”?
I'm going to go out on a limb here and tease you with the idea that you’re not as “relatively positive” as you suggest! Furthermore, I'm going to ask if you camouflage your natural cynicism with some sort of self-deprecating humour?
This is a chance to be brutally honest with yourself as my methods do rely on that.
In my first email exchanges with Martin we had similar discussions about his desire to be well versus his almost aggressive scepticism. It’s not uncommon, but consider this – and I said the same thing to Martin: something you truly desire (I hope) could have fallen right into your lap. Regardless of the salesy nature of some of my material, I'm a real guy who has (a) cured myself of UC and (b) helped others do the same. For the sake of a book and website you can read it and figure out how real it is and how real I am.
When I was ill I grasped at EVERYTHING until I would find a solution – that was my attitude. I wasn’t cynical or bitter about any of the ones that didn’t work – and of course none of them worked at all, until I stumbled upon Geoffrey. My attitude was that every failure was a step nearer success. Now, compare that to your “naturally cynical nature”! You say you wouldn’t have even looked at my website – in your position I would have been all over it in a flash.
How about replacing your “naturally cynical nature” with a “naturally curious and open-minded nature”, combined with a single-minded determination to get completely well again? For the purpose of achieving your goal here, you’ll find it’s much more constructive!
In every spiritual book (even the non-hypey ones) taking responsibility for your thoughts and actions is at the heart of the message. I'm not religious in any way, however, deep down I believe we all know the truth of this, and the moment you take responsibility for what’s going on in your life is the moment you can start to have more input over what happens in it. Two great books are “The Power of Now” and “The Power of a Single Thought”.
Is the therapy successful in breaking the tie between symptoms, mental response and behaviour; i.e. I feel a cramp, I think about it all day, anxiety sets in, symptoms apparently worsen... Could this be the root of negativity that will cause UC?
This is part of your issue. You have got into the habit of negative looping thinking. Now, of course it’s easy and understandable to get anxious about a nasty pain or cramp. However, as you start to understand how your mind works and how my method helps, you’ll find yourself in a virtuous cycle. As your thinking is clearer and healthier (having stopped or radically reduced the negative looping thoughts) your body will begin to feel more comfortable. In turn that gives you the encouragement to keep thinking in a healthier way. Try to become the observer of your thoughts a bit more ... it’s very instructive.
Or... is it all about other issues? Does you feel that my UC is as a result of historical negativity - I'm struggling to come to terms with the idea that there is much negativity in my life outside of the UC.
As above, it’s all part of the same thing really. Somehow, you’ve learnt to think in this self-destructive way. That doesn’t make you a bad person – it’s actually a form of survival mechanism for whatever reason. Often these habits are learned at a young age and in response to close relationships with family/partner, etc. That’s not to shift the blame anywhere else, not even yourself. But for some reason you got into a bad thinking habit. Listen to your thoughts and be honest about what kind of thinker you are. If nothing else, read your email to Martin! I realise you think you’ve seen all the cures that are possible but the fact is that you haven’t! And instead of being excited, your tone in the email is full of cynicism! Now, it’s time to get excited and curious.
What kind of time frame does the therapy work in? Is it really possible to see improvements rapidly? What is the rate of the disease returning after therapy?
If you use the Rewind Technique properly in conjunction with my relaxation recordings this can work very quickly indeed. I also want you to buy those two books I mentioned at the end of Question 1. You need to read my book too ... preferably more than once – particularly the Roadmap part. Tricia Best had Crohn’s for 20 years and was housebound for around 70% of the time. With her she was virtually better within a week or so. She was completely committed to the method and her breakthrough was doing the Rewind Technique with me. Read her review of my book for her account of what happened.
With Martin I think we’re making decent progress though not as spectacularly as Tricia, but that’s for a couple of reasons. Not only had Martin had the bag, but also he was highly sceptical – aggressive almost – with a stranger like me approaching him! Understandable perhaps, whereas Tricia’s husband knew me and what kind of guy I am, so she bought into the idea immediately without question.
In simple terms what is the minimum therapy you would recommend? Read the book? Do the free download? (Are you making money out of this? - I can't quite work it out on your website, but when you have seen so many of these miracle cure sites it is difficult not to be cynical...)
Well, this is going to be a wholesale change in your view of the world, so in some ways it’s ongoing. But to get results you need to get the package. Read the book, even listen to the audio if you like too, so you can hear it with my voice. Listen to one of the relaxations at least once per day for the first month. When you’ve read the book and understand the method, do the Rewind Technique. Really get into it and go for it ... you should be pretty zoned out by the end as it’s an intense exercise.
If you’re still hyper-cynical just get the book. Then you’ll know for sure that I'm real. Regarding the Rewind Technique, Martin had a couple of issues at what to point it at. Follow the instructions in my book. You point it at the representation of yourself having the negative destructive thoughts. In your case it you could point it at your cynicism for one! But you can do it multiple times at different areas until you start to notice tangible physical results. When you point it in the right place, results happen remarkably fast.
Am I making money out of this? Not yet! I’ve spent $24,000 on this project so far. When it becomes profitable, then Geoffrey will get the lion’s share as he’s in his mid 80s and my gratitude to him is immense even after all these years and the fact that I’ve significantly improved on what I did with him to get better myself.
Do you ever think that, perhaps, you’re just in a lengthy period of remission? Would you totally refute this as a possibility?
I never think in terms of remission – it’s a dirty word to me. You’re either well or you’re not. When you’re well, it’s just a question of staying well. If you were to lurch back into bad thinking habits, that would be unhelpful of course. But if you adopt what I'm saying and it works for you, then you create a new habit. If you were to have any kind of setback having got well, you would know exactly what to do to get back on track.
What I do is a formula, and it works. Use the formula to get well. Then retain the good habits that the formula creates for you.
Again, your question is incredibly negative, however, let me elaborate. First, I’ve been well for over 13 years, which was also the last time I saw a doctor about it. Once in a very occasional while (perhaps 3 times in 13 years), I’ve had “warning signs” where all was not completely well down there (though by no means full blown or too terrible). Each time that happened, at the heart of it for some reason I’d re-started the negative looping thoughts for one reason or another that was pretty easy to identify. In one occasion, something was happening in my life that was akin to a bullying kind of episode I’d grown up with. We literally identified it, rewound it and trivialized it in a relaxed state and literally within 24 hours I was 100% fine again.
It was because of these episodes that I began to realize how fast one can make massive changes physically. In a way they were a kind of gift and without them I probably wouldn’t have connected the Rewind Technique to a solution to all this. The Rewind Technique was created for phobias. However, what I discovered is that a phobia has the identical thought structure to what people with Crohn’s, colitis and IBS are doing. Bad thinking habit = physical reaction. Eliminate the bad thinking habit = no more physical reaction. That’s the formula.
The trick is how to eliminate the bad thinking habit. Well, you can do it with cognitive methods and hypnosis, which is how I got well, but that can take time and requires immense discipline and commitment. Or you can do that AND the Rewind Technique and suddenly the results are massively accelerated provided you point the Rewind at the appropriate area.
Will my naturally cynical nature limit the effects of the therapy?
If you insist! It’s really up to you ... an attitude change is preferable. Here’s my question to you ... Do you really want to get better? If you do, you’ll get on with it now and stop the cynicism. If you’re not serious about this you’ll (continue to) make excuses!
Thanks to Martin, something amazing has fallen into your lap here. Grasp the opportunity and only think about the result you want.
If I consider myself to be relatively positive in a general sense, will the hypnotherapy still be beneficial to my UC?
Hi Rich...being serious(!) how can you say you’re “relatively positive in a general sense” at the same time as saying in the same email: “Will my naturally cynical nature limit the effects of the therapy?” and “I am a jaded, world-weary, world-wary old bugger”?
I'm going to go out on a limb here and tease you with the idea that you’re not as “relatively positive” as you suggest! Furthermore, I'm going to ask if you camouflage your natural cynicism with some sort of self-deprecating humour?
This is a chance to be brutally honest with yourself as my methods do rely on that.
In my first email exchanges with Martin we had similar discussions about his desire to be well versus his almost aggressive scepticism. It’s not uncommon, but consider this – and I said the same thing to Martin: something you truly desire (I hope) could have fallen right into your lap. Regardless of the salesy nature of some of my material, I'm a real guy who has (a) cured myself of UC and (b) helped others do the same. For the sake of a book and website you can read it and figure out how real it is and how real I am.
When I was ill I grasped at EVERYTHING until I would find a solution – that was my attitude. I wasn’t cynical or bitter about any of the ones that didn’t work – and of course none of them worked at all, until I stumbled upon Geoffrey. My attitude was that every failure was a step nearer success. Now, compare that to your “naturally cynical nature”! You say you wouldn’t have even looked at my website – in your position I would have been all over it in a flash.
How about replacing your “naturally cynical nature” with a “naturally curious and open-minded nature”, combined with a single-minded determination to get completely well again? For the purpose of achieving your goal here, you’ll find it’s much more constructive!
In every spiritual book (even the non-hypey ones) taking responsibility for your thoughts and actions is at the heart of the message. I'm not religious in any way, however, deep down I believe we all know the truth of this, and the moment you take responsibility for what’s going on in your life is the moment you can start to have more input over what happens in it. Two great books are “The Power of Now” and “The Power of a Single Thought”.
Is the therapy successful in breaking the tie between symptoms, mental response and behaviour; i.e. I feel a cramp, I think about it all day, anxiety sets in, symptoms apparently worsen... Could this be the root of negativity that will cause UC?
This is part of your issue. You have got into the habit of negative looping thinking. Now, of course it’s easy and understandable to get anxious about a nasty pain or cramp. However, as you start to understand how your mind works and how my method helps, you’ll find yourself in a virtuous cycle. As your thinking is clearer and healthier (having stopped or radically reduced the negative looping thoughts) your body will begin to feel more comfortable. In turn that gives you the encouragement to keep thinking in a healthier way. Try to become the observer of your thoughts a bit more ... it’s very instructive.
Or... is it all about other issues? Does you feel that my UC is as a result of historical negativity - I'm struggling to come to terms with the idea that there is much negativity in my life outside of the UC.
As above, it’s all part of the same thing really. Somehow, you’ve learnt to think in this self-destructive way. That doesn’t make you a bad person – it’s actually a form of survival mechanism for whatever reason. Often these habits are learned at a young age and in response to close relationships with family/partner, etc. That’s not to shift the blame anywhere else, not even yourself. But for some reason you got into a bad thinking habit. Listen to your thoughts and be honest about what kind of thinker you are. If nothing else, read your email to Martin! I realise you think you’ve seen all the cures that are possible but the fact is that you haven’t! And instead of being excited, your tone in the email is full of cynicism! Now, it’s time to get excited and curious.
What kind of time frame does the therapy work in? Is it really possible to see improvements rapidly? What is the rate of the disease returning after therapy?
If you use the Rewind Technique properly in conjunction with my relaxation recordings this can work very quickly indeed. I also want you to buy those two books I mentioned at the end of Question 1. You need to read my book too ... preferably more than once – particularly the Roadmap part. Tricia Best had Crohn’s for 20 years and was housebound for around 70% of the time. With her she was virtually better within a week or so. She was completely committed to the method and her breakthrough was doing the Rewind Technique with me. Read her review of my book for her account of what happened.
With Martin I think we’re making decent progress though not as spectacularly as Tricia, but that’s for a couple of reasons. Not only had Martin had the bag, but also he was highly sceptical – aggressive almost – with a stranger like me approaching him! Understandable perhaps, whereas Tricia’s husband knew me and what kind of guy I am, so she bought into the idea immediately without question.
In simple terms what is the minimum therapy you would recommend? Read the book? Do the free download? (Are you making money out of this? - I can't quite work it out on your website, but when you have seen so many of these miracle cure sites it is difficult not to be cynical...)
Well, this is going to be a wholesale change in your view of the world, so in some ways it’s ongoing. But to get results you need to get the package. Read the book, even listen to the audio if you like too, so you can hear it with my voice. Listen to one of the relaxations at least once per day for the first month. When you’ve read the book and understand the method, do the Rewind Technique. Really get into it and go for it ... you should be pretty zoned out by the end as it’s an intense exercise.
If you’re still hyper-cynical just get the book. Then you’ll know for sure that I'm real. Regarding the Rewind Technique, Martin had a couple of issues at what to point it at. Follow the instructions in my book. You point it at the representation of yourself having the negative destructive thoughts. In your case it you could point it at your cynicism for one! But you can do it multiple times at different areas until you start to notice tangible physical results. When you point it in the right place, results happen remarkably fast.
Am I making money out of this? Not yet! I’ve spent $24,000 on this project so far. When it becomes profitable, then Geoffrey will get the lion’s share as he’s in his mid 80s and my gratitude to him is immense even after all these years and the fact that I’ve significantly improved on what I did with him to get better myself.
Do you ever think that, perhaps, you’re just in a lengthy period of remission? Would you totally refute this as a possibility?
I never think in terms of remission – it’s a dirty word to me. You’re either well or you’re not. When you’re well, it’s just a question of staying well. If you were to lurch back into bad thinking habits, that would be unhelpful of course. But if you adopt what I'm saying and it works for you, then you create a new habit. If you were to have any kind of setback having got well, you would know exactly what to do to get back on track.
What I do is a formula, and it works. Use the formula to get well. Then retain the good habits that the formula creates for you.
Again, your question is incredibly negative, however, let me elaborate. First, I’ve been well for over 13 years, which was also the last time I saw a doctor about it. Once in a very occasional while (perhaps 3 times in 13 years), I’ve had “warning signs” where all was not completely well down there (though by no means full blown or too terrible). Each time that happened, at the heart of it for some reason I’d re-started the negative looping thoughts for one reason or another that was pretty easy to identify. In one occasion, something was happening in my life that was akin to a bullying kind of episode I’d grown up with. We literally identified it, rewound it and trivialized it in a relaxed state and literally within 24 hours I was 100% fine again.
It was because of these episodes that I began to realize how fast one can make massive changes physically. In a way they were a kind of gift and without them I probably wouldn’t have connected the Rewind Technique to a solution to all this. The Rewind Technique was created for phobias. However, what I discovered is that a phobia has the identical thought structure to what people with Crohn’s, colitis and IBS are doing. Bad thinking habit = physical reaction. Eliminate the bad thinking habit = no more physical reaction. That’s the formula.
The trick is how to eliminate the bad thinking habit. Well, you can do it with cognitive methods and hypnosis, which is how I got well, but that can take time and requires immense discipline and commitment. Or you can do that AND the Rewind Technique and suddenly the results are massively accelerated provided you point the Rewind at the appropriate area.
Will my naturally cynical nature limit the effects of the therapy?
If you insist! It’s really up to you ... an attitude change is preferable. Here’s my question to you ... Do you really want to get better? If you do, you’ll get on with it now and stop the cynicism. If you’re not serious about this you’ll (continue to) make excuses!
Thanks to Martin, something amazing has fallen into your lap here. Grasp the opportunity and only think about the result you want.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
A big hand for my surgeon
My surgeon is making notes in my hospital records folder. I make a half-hearted attempt at reading them, but from this angle they're upside-down and without the benefit of a team of code-cracking Bletchley boffins at my disposal, my chances of understanding his scrawl are hopeless. My attention drifts to my surgeon’s hands. They’re quite small, neat and pinkishly clean. They look exactly as you'd expect surgeons' hands to look. If there was a Stars In Their Eyes for hands, and these were to come on and announce, “Tonight Matthew, we’re going to be surgeons’ hands,” then once the famous doors had slid open and the dry ice had cleared, viewers at home would be nudging each other and saying, “Ooh, they really look like surgeons’ hands as well.” Watching my surgeon guide the nib of his Mont Blanc across the page it occurs to me that these fingers have actually been inside my body. And as small, neat and pinkishly clean as they are, it’s still unnerving to think they’ve been under my flesh. I barely know the man, yet it feels like we’ve shared some kind of intimacy. I’m just considering whether it’s enough of a bond to warrant sending each other Christmas cards or not, when his voice jerks me from my dopey daydream, “When would you like to have the reversal? We could possibly do it within the next two months.” His dextrous little fingers screw the lid back on his pen and he smiles in that way that indicates he’s finished talking and now it’s my turn. “Oh, that’s good, but I was sort of thinking if maybe we could do it early next year? I’ve had a lot of time off work this year already and I’d just rather enjoy Christmas.” There’s something about being an NHS patient that always makes me think I should be grateful that there’s even a chair to sit on in the waiting room and I wonder if I’m pushing my luck by asking to have the operation in the new year. “That’s fine, come back in three months and I’ll put you on the waiting list then.” Since starting my treatment with Guy I’ve thought a lot about how fortunate I am that during my operation the surgeon made an on-the-spot decision to only take a small section of my colon out, rather than the whole shebang as he had intended. A younger, more inexperienced surgeon may not have had the confidence to go off script. His actions mean I don’t have a permanent ileostomy, and now with Guy’s help it gives me a fighting chance of clearing up the disease in the remaining colon. As I stand to leave something compels me to express this to my surgeon, “I just want you to know I’m really grateful to you for only taking out a bit of my colon, I think it’s turned out better this way.” It was worth telling him for his smile alone. Offering me one of those quite small, neat, pinkishly clean hands he says, “You know at the time I took a lot of stick for doing what I did. A lot of people weren’t happy with me about it. But I think it was the right thing for you.” I note his cool, relaxed, just-the-right-side-of-arrogant manner, and I know for sure that I’m in safe hands.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Wednesday's diary on a Thursday 7.3
You may notice one or two changes to this week’s WDOAT. From now on there’ll be a slight shift in focus. Rather than just recording the same old stuff week in week out, I hope to now use WDOAT to chart any significant progress I’m making with my new goal, which quite simply is to be fully healthy again – UC free in other words. Since having surgery I no longer have any of the obvious symptoms of ulcerative colitis. But it’s still there. The colonoscopy I had back in June revealed I have mild disease in my remaining section of colon and in the bit near my rectum. Now there’s no way I can tell what’s going on inside my colon week by week. A tribe of nomadic shit mining pixies could have set up camp in there and I wouldn’t know a thing about it. But there is one way I think I’ll be able to see if things are improving. Most days I still have one normalish bowel movement. This produces a putty-mucus-milky-Weetabix type substance. Over the months since the op, blood has crept into these bowel movements. At first it was just a pale pink blush on the toilet paper, but more recently it’s been a definite crimson. This I believe is caused by the UC still in my rectum area. If the blood from my back passage reduces, then I think it’s fair to assume I’m heading in the right direction. So I’ll be keeping an eye on that. Also I’m going to try and comment on my general mental wellbeing, my mood, vibe, spirit, whatever you want to call it. This then, is the new and improved WDOAT.
*Guy Cohen's original recording of a session with Geoffrey Glasborow in 1995.
Wednesday 2nd September:
7am Change bag
8.15am Empty bag
1040am Empty bag
2pm Change bag
6.15pm Empty bag
9.30pm Empty bag
Medication:
Breakfast 6 x mesalazine 400mg
Dinner 4 x azathioprine 50mg
Bedtime 6 x mesalazine 400mg
Therapies:
Geoffrey Glasborow* relaxation download
Noticeable improvements:
Consistently healthier thinking. Less dwelling on negatives. More energy.
Mood:
Positive. Bit excited really.
*Guy Cohen's original recording of a session with Geoffrey Glasborow in 1995.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Hypnotherapy session number 1
Guy Cohen’s voice is clear, self-assured and not unpleasant on the ears. Behind the mellifluous tone is a hint of playfulness, which brings to mind a bright-eyed head boy. Guy fizzes with optimism and can occasionally come across as cheesy – but it’s only optimism in the same sense most Hollywood films are optimistic; E.T. goes home, Rocky wins, Jaws dies and Bill Murray learns not to be such a dickhead. There’s nothing wrong with that and it’s actually quite refreshing. Guy is talking to me through my Mac using Skype, so I can be hands free and not have a hot headachy mobile pressed to my ear for the whole session. I am lying on my sofa in my spare room cum office. The blinds are drawn, shutting out the early evening light and the geese, which fly low past my window about this time every night on their way to Walthamstow marshes. After a few minutes small talk, it’s time to get down to business. Much like an airline pilot’s pre-takeoff preamble – we’ll be flying at 30,000ft, approximate journey time should be a little under 3hrs etc – Guy starts by outlining exactly what we’ll be doing during the session. Then we’re clear for take-off. Guy tells me to relax and concentrate on breathing more deeply. I begin to inhale and exhale more slowly, trying to find a steady controlled rhythm. Then Guy’s voice takes my mind on a journey around my body, and I’m asked to imagine my various limbs going limp and relaxing; my right foot going limp and relaxing, my left foot going limp and relaxing, my right leg going limp and relaxing, my left leg going limp and relaxing. When it comes to my hands going limp I have to suppress all thoughts of John Inman, and stay focused. Then Guy tells me to imagine I’m floating on thin air, floating and drifting, drifting and floating. At no point do I feel ‘under’ or at all like I’m in a trance. I think the purpose of these first exercises is to put me in the right frame of mind and set the mood. It’s mental foreplay. After which Guy begins to count upwards. All the while I’m encouraged to relax and smile and enjoy myself, whilst continuing to breathe nice and deeply. Now Guy asks me to remember a time in my life when I felt supremely confident. I have to picture it in my mind, make it really vivid, relive how it made me feel, what was in front of me, behind me, recreate the scene in detail, the colours, the smells, the sounds, making it feel as intense and bright as I can. Then just when I think I can’t push it any further Guy tells me to pinch my thumbnail against my middle finger, take a deep breath and relax. I’m a little concerned that I’m not doing this part right, but Guy reassures me that if I’m trying then I’m doing it right. Next I have to remember a time when I felt really curious, totally fascinated and absorbed in something. And again I have to picture it in my head in as much detail as possible, making it 3D and giving it surround sound. Then as before, when it gets to its most intense I pinch my thumbnail against my middle finger, and relax. Now Guy tells me to think of a time where I had the giggles. Proper uncontrollable giggles. I have to make it real in my head, adding layer upon layer of detail, until it can’t get any more vibrant, then I pinch my thumbnail against my middle finger, before relaxing. Now it gets a little harder. Guy tells me to remember all three scenarios all at the same time. Mix them all up, confidence, curiosity and the giggles. Guy gets very excited at this point and I’m guessing by his yelling and hollering that what we’re doing is kind of like crossing the streams in Ghostbusters and we’re going to unleash some God Almighty power. I half expect cupboard drawers to start opening and closing and gas bills and takeaway menus to begin swirling around the room in a vortex. I can report that none of this happens, although I do find myself smiling, which Guy tells me is a good thing. I pinch my thumbnail against my middle finger and we both take a deep breath and relax. Now we move on to the final part of the session and something called the Rewind Technique. Here Guy asks me to imagine I’m sitting in a big cinema. It’s just me, on my own, looking up at an old crackly, black and white film. And the film I’m watching is of a time when I felt anxious or was feeling particularly negative. I have to play the film from start to finish, 20 seconds or so. Then I have to imagine I float up out of myself right up to the ceiling where I can look down on myself looking up at the film of myself on the screen. In effect there are now three of me, four if you include the real me. Fortunately I’ve always had something of a split personality, so I feel quite comfortable in a roomful of Martins. Guy tells me to continue floating back into the projection room, where I can look down on the back of myself watching the film. Now I have to play the film in reverse. All the action moves backwards. Then when I reach the start, I have to rewind it again. And again, and again, and again, getting faster and faster each time. Guy suddenly starts playing the Benny Hill theme tune and everything in my head is careering backwards. Guy is yelling faster! Faster! Faster! He can’t get his words out quick enough. Benny Hill becomes fairground music. Clown music. Faster! Faster! Guy’s tripping over his words now. He wants me to laugh. I don’t know what’s going on. I struggle to keep up with it all. It feels like my eyes are spinning around in their sockets like a couple of Lotto balls about to be released. Then it’s all over. Quiet. Calm. Still. Relaxed, soothing Guy returns, taking over from manic, speed-freak Guy and he tells me that what we have just done is incredibly powerful and I should start to feel different very soon. There’s not a trace of doubt in Guy’s voice. It’s too early to say how I feel, but I know one thing. I believe him.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Hypnotherapy
The moment I take my seat on the stage I regret volunteering. I’m sitting at the end of a row of nine other students, who like me, eagerly flung their arm in the air when the stage hypnotist asked for volunteers. A solid mass of faces leer up at me. I should be with them. I should be in the audience. Not on stage. When I was 12 the stress of playing ‘man in the crowd’ in the school production of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory got too much for me and I pleaded with my teacher to let me be a stagehand instead. It’s fair to say show business is not in my blood. But right now a substantial amount of alcohol is, which is why I find myself on stage about to be hypnotized. I become aware of every muscle in my body, my hands and feet and lips and ears feel hot and twice their normal size. The hypnotic process hasn’t started; the hypnotist isn’t even doing anything yet. I just feel incredibly self-conscious. Rigor mortis has set in. I’m made of plasticine. I’ve morphed into Morph. And I really need to urinate. Now we are being asked to follow a simple set of instructions to see how open we are to suggestion. I put my right hand on my head, then my left, then my right, then my left. I stand up, I sit down, I stand up, I sit down, I stand up, I sit down…and completely miss my chair. A tsunami of laughter crashes over me as I loll impotently on the stage floor. Those in the crowd that know me begin to chant my college nickname. Those in the crowd that don’t know me join in. “Les! Les! Les! Les!” It’s horrible. The hypnotist helps me to my feet and quietly says, “You’ve probably had too much to drink, mate, you can go back to the audience.” As I shuffle shamefaced off stage the hypnotist encourages a round of applause, “Thank you, Les! There he goes, off back to the bar!” And that’s exactly where I head, muttering under my breath, “My name’s not Les, it’s Martin.”
Until Guy mentioned hypnotherapy to me, my only previous experience of hypnotism was that slightly embarrassing encounter with a stage hypnotist back in 1992. And all that taught me was no matter how much beer you’ve drunk never put your hand up for anything ever. An invaluable life lesson learnt, yes, but in no way helpful in my understanding of hypnotism or hypnotherapy. So I had no real preconceptions about the subject, other than the usual spooky ‘repeat after me’ stereotypical hypnotists you see on telly. Again not that helpful. Guy reassured me if we did a session together I would be awake the whole time and be fully aware of everything going on. Satisfied I wouldn’t be put into a zombie-like trance or start talking like a 16th century French peasant we arranged a time for the session, which we would do over the telephone. As the session approached I felt a little apprehensive. Apart from a brief chat with Guy the day before I didn’t know him from Adam. I was about to undergo some sort of hypnosis with a total stranger – a total stranger off the internet, which is the natural habitat of the strangest type of stranger. At this point I gave myself a little talking to and decided to approach it all with an open mind and just go with it. The worst that could happen is I’d get a mildly interesting anecdote to write about on Number Twos. Deep down I was hoping for more though. This wasn’t about having a funny story to tell, the purpose of this was to get better. To finally beat my UC. With that in mind I allowed myself to feel a little excited and waited for my very first hypnotherapy session to begin.
Until Guy mentioned hypnotherapy to me, my only previous experience of hypnotism was that slightly embarrassing encounter with a stage hypnotist back in 1992. And all that taught me was no matter how much beer you’ve drunk never put your hand up for anything ever. An invaluable life lesson learnt, yes, but in no way helpful in my understanding of hypnotism or hypnotherapy. So I had no real preconceptions about the subject, other than the usual spooky ‘repeat after me’ stereotypical hypnotists you see on telly. Again not that helpful. Guy reassured me if we did a session together I would be awake the whole time and be fully aware of everything going on. Satisfied I wouldn’t be put into a zombie-like trance or start talking like a 16th century French peasant we arranged a time for the session, which we would do over the telephone. As the session approached I felt a little apprehensive. Apart from a brief chat with Guy the day before I didn’t know him from Adam. I was about to undergo some sort of hypnosis with a total stranger – a total stranger off the internet, which is the natural habitat of the strangest type of stranger. At this point I gave myself a little talking to and decided to approach it all with an open mind and just go with it. The worst that could happen is I’d get a mildly interesting anecdote to write about on Number Twos. Deep down I was hoping for more though. This wasn’t about having a funny story to tell, the purpose of this was to get better. To finally beat my UC. With that in mind I allowed myself to feel a little excited and waited for my very first hypnotherapy session to begin.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Positive thinking poll - results
Do you believe having a POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE can help reduce the severity of your UC/Crohn’s or even cure it?Thank you to everyone who voted in the positive thinking poll. It would seem most of us believe that having the right frame of mind is key to dealing with our illnesses. But the idea that we can actually use our minds to cure ourselves was clearly a step too far for most. That’s understandable. That’s how I felt until I received an email from someone who told me how he cured himself of ulcerative colitis. His name is Guy Cohen and he has some very interesting thoughts on UC and how to beat it. Initially I was sceptical and fired off a decidedly cynical reply to his email. Unflustered by my thinly disguised accusation that he may be some sort of internet Dick Turpin preying on the sick, Guy patiently answered my questions and explained a bit more about himself. We pinged a few emails back and forth over the course of the day, and it soon became clear Guy wasn’t recruiting on behalf of a Texan sex cult, and was a genuine, decent sort of chap. Once I’d got over the disappointment of not being groomed by a Texan sex cult, we arranged to talk on the phone later in the week. In the meantime Guy pointed me in the direction of his website, which despite the off putting heavy handed sales schtick, did explain more about Guy’s incredible story. And dispelling once and for all any suspicions I may have had that he was after my money, Guy very kindly gave me all his downloads free of charge. You can read exactly how Guy recovered from UC on his website, but in a nutshell he uses established hypnotherapy techniques to eliminate destructive thinking patterns that he believes can cause ulcerative colitis, Crohn’s and IBS. At this point you may be shouting ‘bollocks’ very loudly at your computer screen. Fair enough. I’m sitting here with a colostomy bag, still very much with UC and I’m supposed to believe that all this could have been avoided if I’d just had happier thoughts? I’m as cynical as the next man, but the more Guy explained how my bad thinking habits affect my stomach, it started to make sense to me. I suddenly became aware of the internal dialogue I have with myself. And it’s not pretty. It’s not quite the ‘You talking to me?’ scene in Taxi Driver, but I now recognise that I spend way too much time and energy having babbling cyclical arguments in my head and playing out ridiculous imaginary scenarios, that are really quite pointless. I’m not a complete fruitcake, but at some point in my life, for whatever reason, I developed thinking habits that aren’t particularly helpful. It makes sense to me that if I can correct the way I think it can only be a good thing. It could make me more positive, happier, healthier. It could cure my UC. I believe it can. After all it worked for Guy. This is the start of a new journey for me and as ever I’ll be recording it here. I understand some people will be dismissive and think I’ve finally lost the plot. That’s okay. I just really want to get better. Over the years nothing has worked for me, from yucky Chinese tea to conventional medicine. Even surgery hasn’t fully rid me of ulcerative colitis. So I’m going to give Guy’s methods a shot. I’ll still be taking all my usual medication and continuing with my hospital treatment, but I’m also going to be putting my faith in something hopefully far more powerful. My mind.
Utter claptrap 13%
It probably helps, but can’t cure it 71%
I’m positive it can cure it 4%
I’m open minded 11%
Surgery is the only cure 0%
For further information, this is an interview I found with Guy.
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