Every UC cloud has a silver lining

The other day I received a letter from my GP. An appointment has been made for me to have the Swine Flu Vaccination. I think I qualify because I’m on azathioprine, which is an immunosuppressant. There aren’t too many advantages to having ulcerative colitis, but getting the Swine Flu Vaccine might just be one of them. I feel like I’ve been given the last cabin on Noah’s Ark. I’m on the last chopper out of Saigon. I’m one of the little green aliens in Toy Story that get picked up by the claw. I’ve been saved. Just as long as I don’t catch anything between now and 10am on 1st December.

Wednesday's diary on a Thursday 8.2

Wednesday 4th November:
3.45am Change bag
7am Change bag
11.50am Empty bag
4.30pm Empty bag
7pm Empty bag
9.55pm Empty bag

Medication:
Breakfast 6 x mesalazine 400mg
Dinner 4 x azathioprine 50mg
Bedtime 6 x mesalazine 400mg

Therapies:
McKenna

Noticeable improvements:
Blood.

Mood:
Still good.

Wednesday's diary on a Thursday 8.1

Wednesday 28th October:
7am Change bag
11.30am Empty bag
6.45pm Empty bag
9.30pm Empty bag

Medication:
Breakfast 6 x mesalazine 400mg
Dinner 4 x azathioprine 50mg
Bedtime 6 x mesalazine 400mg

Therapies:
None.

Noticeable improvements:
No blood.

Mood:
Good.

Wednesday's diary on a Thursday 7.9

WDOAT has been a long-running feature on Number Twos since 1952, when it made its first appearance in exactly the same week Agatha Christie’s The Mousetrap opened in London’s West End. And like The Mousetrap, WDOAT continues to keep audiences from around the world on the edge of their seats week in, week out. An enduring tradition of WDOAT is that readers are asked not to reveal the surprise ending to anyone, to ensure it isn’t spoiled for future readers.

Wednesday 15th October:
6.45am Change bag
11.20am Empty bag
2pm Empty bag
5.50pm Change bag
7.30pm Empty bag
10.15pm Empty bag

Medication:
Breakfast 6 x mesalazine 400mg
Dinner 4 x azathioprine 50mg
Bedtime 6 x mesalazine 400mg

Therapies:
Paul McKenna Control Stress relaxation therapy

Noticeable improvements:
Bit of blood.

Mood:
Disappointed. (Don't tell a soul.)

Wednesday's diary on a Thursday 7.8

Other things WDOAT could stand for:

Worryingly Dire Opinions Are Typical
Words Don’t Offer Any Titillation
Worthless Drivel Obviously All Toss

And my favourite:

Weekly Dose Of Arse Talk

Wednesday 7th October:
7am Change bag
2pm Empty bag
7.30pm Empty bag
11pm Empty bag

Medication:
Breakfast 6 x mesalazine 400mg
Dinner 4 x azathioprine 50mg
Bedtime 6 x mesalazine 400mg

Therapies:
Paul McKenna Control Stress relaxation therapy, Rewind, Guy Cohen relaxation therapy, Geoffrey Glassborow relaxation therapy

Noticeable improvements:
Small amount of blood again. (Which technically isn't a 'noticeable improvement' is it?)

Mood:
Very good; but I have decided to pull out of my planned invasion of Andorra. (Apologies for the late notice.)

Wednesday's diary on a Thursday 7.7

These WDOAT's sure are coming round fast. Did you know there are only 13 left until Christmas? You’ll see below I really upped the ante with therapies this week, so I’m feeling pretty damn confident. I'm so pumped up I may just invade a small country or at the very least enter The Krypton Factor.

Wednesday 30th September:
7am Change bag
7.45am Empty bag
9.20am Empty bag
11am Change bag
1.45pm Empty bag
6.30pm Empty bag
10.30pm Empty bag

Medication:
Breakfast 6 x mesalazine 400mg
Dinner 4 x azathioprine 50mg
Bedtime 6 x mesalazine 400mg

Therapies:
Paul McKenna Control Stress relaxation therapy x 2, Rewind, Guy Cohen relaxation therapy

Noticeable improvements:
Small amount of blood again. Still feeling good though.

Mood:
All-conquering. Watch out Andorra.

Wednesday's diary on a Thursday 7.6

On time and with two and half hours to spare, it's...WDOAT!

Wednesday 23rd September:
4.40am Change bag
7am Change bag
9am Empty bag
2.30pm Change bag
10.45pm Empty bag

Medication:
Breakfast 6 x mesalazine 400mg
Dinner 4 x azathioprine 50mg
Bedtime 6 x mesalazine 400mg

Therapies:
Paul McKenna Control Stress relaxation therapy*

Noticeable improvements:
A very small amount of blood again. But on the whole I feel great, ticking along quite happily. Don't seem as tired perhaps as I used to.

Mood:
Positive, more relaxed, more confident.

*Paul McKenna has a book and CD called Control Stress, which seems to dovetail quite nicely with Guy Cohen's stuff.

Wednesday's diary on a Thursday 7.3

You may notice one or two changes to this week’s WDOAT. From now on there’ll be a slight shift in focus. Rather than just recording the same old stuff week in week out, I hope to now use WDOAT to chart any significant progress I’m making with my new goal, which quite simply is to be fully healthy again – UC free in other words. Since having surgery I no longer have any of the obvious symptoms of ulcerative colitis. But it’s still there. The colonoscopy I had back in June revealed I have mild disease in my remaining section of colon and in the bit near my rectum. Now there’s no way I can tell what’s going on inside my colon week by week. A tribe of nomadic shit mining pixies could have set up camp in there and I wouldn’t know a thing about it. But there is one way I think I’ll be able to see if things are improving. Most days I still have one normalish bowel movement. This produces a putty-mucus-milky-Weetabix type substance. Over the months since the op, blood has crept into these bowel movements. At first it was just a pale pink blush on the toilet paper, but more recently it’s been a definite crimson. This I believe is caused by the UC still in my rectum area. If the blood from my back passage reduces, then I think it’s fair to assume I’m heading in the right direction. So I’ll be keeping an eye on that. Also I’m going to try and comment on my general mental wellbeing, my mood, vibe, spirit, whatever you want to call it. This then, is the new and improved WDOAT.

Wednesday 2nd September:
7am Change bag
8.15am Empty bag
1040am Empty bag
2pm Change bag
6.15pm Empty bag
9.30pm Empty bag

Medication:
Breakfast 6 x mesalazine 400mg
Dinner 4 x azathioprine 50mg
Bedtime 6 x mesalazine 400mg

Therapies:
Geoffrey Glasborow* relaxation download

Noticeable improvements:
Consistently healthier thinking. Less dwelling on negatives. More energy.

Mood:
Positive. Bit excited really.

*Guy Cohen's original recording of a session with Geoffrey Glasborow in 1995.

Wenshday's diary on a Thurshday 7.2

Got a masshive ulsher on my tongue. Oooh, isht’s a big one. Isht’s making me schpeak funny. Imagshin the Eleshphant Man after he’sh had schpeach therapy and he’sh making shome progresh – thash what I shound like.

Wenshday 12th Augush:
7.05am Chanshe bag
11.30am Empshy bag
1pm Empshy bag
3.30pm Empshy bag
7pm Empshy bag

Meshicashion:
Brekshfasht 6 x meshalashine 400mg
Dinner 4 x azashfioprine 50mg
Bedtime 6 x meshalashine 400mg

Commensh:
Ulshers are back with a vengeansh. Owsh.