Sunday, August 2, 2009

Magic tips

Sleight of hand depends on the use of psychology, misdirection, and natural choreography in accomplishing a magical effect. Misdirection is perhaps the most important component of the art of sleight of hand. The magician choreographs his actions so that all spectators are likely to look where he or she wants them to. More importantly, they do not look where the performer does not wish them to look.
In the few months since becoming an ostomate I have learnt to hide my colostomy bag by using sleight of hand, much as a magician does. At my disposal I have a bag of tricks that help me disguise the fact I have a bag. Here are a few of them.

“The Back Turn”
If I’m in public, somewhere like a café, and I stand to put on my jacket or coat, I’ll simply turn my back on the room, so in the process if my shirt lifts up, no one gets a peek of my bag. Then I can take a moment to straighten everything up down there before I turn round and no one is any the wiser.

“The Left-Handed Carry” I mainly use this one in the office. If I’m walking from A to B anywhere at work I might carry a cup of water or a notepad in my left hand, held roughly in front of the area where my bag is. It is often possible to see the outline of my bag through my clothes, but as far as I’m aware no one has ever been able to see through a Moleskine notepad.

“The Lean Forward”
Again, if I’m in a café or bar, I find there’s less likelihood of the poop bag popping out if I lean forward in my chair. So that’s how I tend to sit, hunched over like I’m sat on the loo, ironically.

“The Bag On Bag”
During rush hour on the tube you’re crammed in so tight you can usually tell if the person standing on your toes uses Colgate or Crest. No one has their own personal space. So to stop any short-arsed commuters seeing anything they shouldn’t, I position my manbag over my shitebag. It also helps protect it from stray elbows.

“The Larry Grayson”
Left hand bent limply at the wrist, held in front of my bag. I very rarely use this one for fear of sending out the wrong signals.

“The Awkward Teenager” By thrusting my left hand deep in my trouser pocket, rolling my shoulder forward and my elbow inwards towards my body it covers up my bag, but it also makes me look like a 37-year-old trying to look like a 17-year-old. Which is never a good look, is it Bobby?