Thank you to everyone who voted in the poll. 62% of you favoured the little white lie that is the rumbling tummy option. It probably is the best way to handle the situation, but I have one tiny problem – gas escaping into my bag doesn’t really sound like a rumbling tummy. It sounds like gas escaping into a bag. But if you’re in a meeting and politely say, “Excuse me, that’s my tummy rumbling,” it’s going to take a moron of the highest order to question you on it. So unless you happen to work for the Royal Bank of Scotland you should be safe. 14% would come clean and explain you have an ostomy bag. I can’t quite decide whether this is brave and admirable or complete madness. And I’m actually one of the 14%. But since voting I’ve started to come round to the idea that honesty isn’t always the best policy. You may feel embarrassed by the noise, but the chances are no one else in the room will be that bothered. They probably just want to get on with the meeting and get it over with as quickly as possible so they can get back to eBay. A show and tell session about colostomy bags will probably end up being as embarrassing for your colleagues, as it would be for you. I’m surprised that more than 11% didn’t opt for ignoring it. If you have the necessary acting skills and composure required to maintain a look of innocence whilst a hissy-wheezing-hubble-bubble noise emanates from beneath your shirt, go for it. I admire you. But not as much as the 11% who make up the criers. I love the criers. I think I might join you.
