My new toy

It’s got a seat that can be placed in the up or down position, it’s white, it flushes, and as of last Friday it’s all mine. Oh yes, I am the proud owner of a new loo. (I am also the proud owner of the flat that comes with the loo, but that’s of no interest here.) I have never owned my own loo before. I co-owned one with my McEx in Scotland, so I guess you could say I once owned half a loo. But now I’ve got a whole one all to myself. I could weep. Over the years I’ve rented plenty of loos. And fond memories I have of them, too. There was the troublesome one I had at college that would block if you pooped anything bigger than a peanut. We kept a wire coat hanger in the bathroom to break our poo into smaller pieces. Oh, what fun we had chasing each other round the house with bits of dripping plop stuck to that old coat hanger. Sigh, those were days when my shit could stick to a coat hanger. Happy times. But renting isn’t the same as owning. And an Englishman’s home is his castle, so you’ve got to have a good throne, haven’t you? And mine’s a little beauty. According to the label it’s a Bemis. I don’t know if Bemis is a good make or not? It sounds pretty reliable. I can imagine the advertising – Park your bum on a Bemis or You’ll never miss with a Bemis or Flush a Bemis and it won’t leave a blemish. Just for once I can’t wait to use the loo.