Sunday, June 7, 2009

The key to the door

The RADAR key gives you access to 7000 public toilets across the country. It got its name because it’s so big it actually shows up on radar. Seriously, it’s massive. I measured mine at a whopping 10cm. It’s the sort of thing you’d expect to get if you were given the key to Chicago. Honestly I think they must have modeled it on Dracula’s back door key. If it doesn’t open pirate chests I’m a Dutchman. It’s truly a colossus of a key. Try it in the lock first, but if that fails you can use it as a battering ram. How disabled people are meant to carry it around is beyond me. Just picking it up nearly put me in a wheelchair. I’m thinking about taking mine down the scrapyard and seeing what they’ll give me for it. Christ it’s big. I won’t be able to keep it in my trouser pocket, I’ll get arrested. You can order a RADAR key from here, although I’ve heard it can take up to 4 months to arrive. Which is understandable, they probably have to close down entire motorways to transport them. My mum got mine from her local mobility shop. It cost £5. And then £4,799 to post it.

Also opens with the aid of a RADAR key.