Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Dear Sick Boy...

I write further to your recent enquiry regarding our decision on your Protection Plan Policy application.

I have written to your GP explaining our underwriting decision. Please make a convenient appointment to discuss the contents of my letter with your GP. He will be able to answer any queries you have.

Ah, more joyful correspondence from my dear friends at Friends Provident. As you can see it’s a letter brimming with compassion, warmth and genuine empathy. Hmm. Just to quickly recap, I’m buying a flat and I need to get life insurance so if anything happens to me the mortgage company isn’t left high and dry and they get their money back. For someone my age this should be £50 a month, but because of my ulcerative colitis Friends Provident have ramped it up to £100 a month. Now I’m no mathematician (I got a D at GCSE maths, re-sat the exam 3 months later and spectacularly got a E) but even I can see that’s double. Does this mean I’m twice as likely to die young as someone without ulcerative colitis? Friends Provident seem to think there’s certainly a risk of this happening. But no doctor I’ve seen has ever mentioned my impending doom. And I’ve seen a lot of doctors. You’d think if my life really was ebbing away, one of them might have mentioned it by now. So where are Friends Provident getting their information from? Have they been tipped off by Him upstairs that my number’s up? How long do Friends Provident think I’ve got? Is there any point in me renewing my weekly travel card? Well, according to the letter my doctor will have all the answers. I guess I’d better make an appointment soon, before it’s too late.