Apparently now I'm 'special'

SPECIAL CONDITIONS
• Premium increased on Life Cover due to ulcerative colitis.

That’s what it said on page 2 of the letter I received yesterday detailing my Mortgage Protection Plan. Premium increased on Life Cover due to ulcerative colitis. Marvelous. Fan-bloody-tastic. Really, I’m tickled pink. Cock-a-hoop, I am. No I’m not. I’m in shock; pass the salts. They’ve only gone and hoicked the monthly premium up by about 50%. I’m not that much of a risk, surely? Am I really that ill? They obviously want to get their money’s worth before I pop my clogs. They want to take their pound of flesh before I take my last breath. And considering they only pay out on the event of my death, I’m no more keen for them to cough up than they are. So we’ve both got a common interest; neither of us wants to see me pushing up the daisies just yet. I’m 35 for chrissakes. In my prime. I’m not planning on checking out for a while yet. Okay, so I’ve got a bit of tummy trouble, but come on, I’m hardly ready to meet my maker, and here Friends Provident are sending me letters that make me feel like this. Friends Provident: harrumph, they’re no friends of mine.