I do really want to learn German. I do. But there’s something niggling away at me. I kind of wish I’d decided to learn drums on the toilet instead. It would’ve been perfect. You can do it sitting down for a start. The din of my paradiddles would also conveniently drown out the sound of my pooing. And Keith Moon has always been a hero of mine. Not only am I in awe of his insane drumming, but his life, like mine seemed somehow welded to all things lavatorial. Legend has it Moon liked to drop cherry bombs into hotel toilets. I too drop things of a destructive nature into toilets. The cover of his only solo album Two Sides of the Moon features Keith ‘mooning’ out of a car window. Just as I have in my time had to show my backside to a fair few folk. The similarities between us are uncanny. Okay, I’m just procrastinating. I know it's much easier to take a German textbook into the toilet than a full drum kit. It’s just German seems so hard. And Keith Moon makes drumming seem so effortless and fun. Maybe what I need is a German Keith Moon to inspire me?